Little bee's HIVE..

older posts from my old blog

2011-05-03T06:41:00.000-07:00

You may notice I posted a bunch of old entries from my old Friendster account. I heard Friendster will soon close and reformat its site. I'm afraid my articles will be forever gone so I decided to repost them here. :)

These articles are part of me and I can't bear to think that I'd never read them again.

-jamittle-

little thoughts about living, loving & learning

2011-05-03T06:37:00.000-07:00

i am living in an ordinary world with ordinary people

this ordinary people bring extraordinary things to me

i can say that sometimes, i am invisible through the eyes of them

sometimes, i am the center of their conversations

little do they know, i can hear what they say about me

not literally, but deep inside of me

i know…

…if they like me or not

…if they need me or they just want to use me

…if they care or they just want to show off

…if they love me, or just want to hurt me

…if they’ll stay or suddenly leave

i am what i am

what you see is what you get

what i have is what i give

what you give is what i take

that’s LIVING.

i have lived for twenty-one years now

i experienced a lot of pains, struggles and sufferings

i have felt sadness and happiness,

of solitude and tranquility…

i have gained what i should gain

and let go of something i should never have

there’s a definite pain in holding on

and worst in letting go…

i have done that so many times

and i am used to it..

in terms of loving, i am a fool

but i am not a LOSER.

i am born to love and not to hate

i guess being left behind

is the price i pay for loving with all my heart…

that’s LOVING…

and who would ever say i am a loser?

nobody has the right to call me one

because all these years

i never give up on love

i get tired, i swear!

but i never give up…

i always have the courage to stand up

after a fall

to face the laughing world

i am not ashamed of what life has brought me

i am thankful for that

because i know something’s waiting for me

i am still walking and taking my journey

experience is my teacher

that’s LEARNING…

someday we’ll meet, i know

i don’t know you but i assure you

you’ll be part of my life…

till then…

SEE YOU AT THE CROSSROADS..

- jamittLe -

a painful day

2011-05-03T06:34:00.000-07:00

posted: 071910

It’s a Monday – the most painful day of the week for me. Every Monday, I need to wake up as early as 3:30 in the morning and prepare to leave for Metro Manila – to face another 5 days of working away from home, away from my loved one. My boyfriend dropped by to fetch me at home and wait for me until I ride the bus. Talking about how painful it was to leave every Monday morning that every hug and goodbye kiss isn’t enough; I really don’t want to leave.

But as needed, I left again. I took an ordinary bus to Lipa Bus Terminal. On my way to Lipa, I felt the need for a comfort room but ignored it at once. I dropped by a food store and took out for a breakfast meal then rode a bus to Cubao. Again, I felt the need for a comfort room, this time I already felt so uncomfortable; I’m already having goose bumps all over my body. That was the feeling I hate the most… a call of nature which can’t be satisfied at once! Arggghhh! I was nervously thinking of what to do. I was thinking that I can make it to Megamall but after a while, I was already struggling. The bus took a stop at the toll plaza in Sto. Tomas. I gathered my strength to ask the bus conductor & the driver to drop me by the toll plaza’s comfort room. What a relief! Thanks to the bus driver and conductor for waiting until I was finished. My seat was then occupied by a lady who happened to be standing a while ago, so I have no choice but to stand. I don’t care to stand, I’ve been relieved from my uncomfortable suffering.

On the exit of the toll way, several passengers took off so I got a seat nearest to the door. After a few minutes, we’re on driving along Calamba. Two guards fromYasaki-Torres (Calamba) were waiving at the driver. The bus took a stop and the guards asked the driver to let an old man ride to Cubao, told that he has money to pay for the ride. I looked at the old man, he may be over the age of 80. He was wearing an old shirt-uniform of Yasaki and a light underwear-short. He’s walking a little slow. I noticed the wound in his left ear and right knee. I felt bad for the old man. The seat next to mine was free so they let the old man seat beside me. I couldn’t help but cry when I saw him. I cried myself silently so others would not notice me. I was emotional for that old man.

I thought maybe he hasn’t eaten breakfast yet so I asked him, “Lolo, kumain ka na?” as I was thinking of giving him the breakfast meal I ordered earlier.

He replied, “Opo, I was well attended by this company (pointing at the logo of his shirt)”.

I then asked again, “Ano po ba nangyari sa inyo?”

He slowly said, “Na-hold-up ako”.

I nearly cried again but I don’t want him to see me crying, I could see in him that he’s been emotionally strong after all that has happened to him.

“Dinampot po ba kayo?” I asked.

“Tatlong araw na.”

My God! Three days! Damn those hold-uppers! That’s all I could do; to curse those evil criminals. I really wish they were dead!

“Lo, taga-saan po kayo?”

“Monumento.”

“Alam nyo na po ang byahe papunta sa inyo?”

“Sasakay pa pagdating sa Cubao?”

“Alam nyo na po?”

He nodded and that ended our conversation. I was still in pain that very moment. I turned my back to him and cried myself. I wished to ask him his name but words just won’t come out. I want to help him go home, but want can I do? I don’t know how to get there. So I just stared at him, admiring his strength and thankful for he’s now safe and going home.

I was grateful for those who helped that old man. Thanks to those people from Yasaki-Torres (Calamba). They have hearts to help a battered old man. May God bless those kind-hearted people who gave him money to be able to go home. And for those criminals, karma has its own judgment! You are one hell of bastards! That was an old man for Christ’s sake! He’s totally helpless and couldn’t defend himself against them.

I felt bad for him and for his family. Wish I’ve done something to ease his pain. Oh it was a truly painful Monday!

*Picture of Lolo who was held-up.

- jamittle -

071910

victory and defeat

2011-05-03T06:29:00.000-07:00

posted: 030310

In love, the hardest to compete with is… the one BEFORE you!

“I wish he’ll choose me over her… which I doubt will happen”.

These are the words I once said. I really didn’t think that it will happen too soon. I’ve been fighting a faceless battle. I’ve been competing with a person I’ve never met. We were both doing our best to win, and get the price.

Funny how we both did all we can just to grab a hold of only one person we’re both in love with. We compete for his time, his love, his care, his hugs, his kisses and for his heart. I didn’t want to have just a part of him, but him as a whole.

I said, I can’t and I won’t let her win. That even though I know that it’s a win-lose situation, I still held on. She has the all the advantages against me. I was the challenger; I only have my heart to fight until the end.

I was emotionally inclined to having him as mine… only mine. For almost four months, I’ve been thinking… what if it did happen? What if I won? Would I be happy knowing there’s someone out there, crying and been broken by my selfish intentions? Or would it be the other way around that I would be left broken, crying for I have lost the fight?

The fight is over. Somebody won. Somebody got the price. Someone was in grief, suffering from pure melancholy while someone was happy, feeling a pure bliss.

Honestly, I wasn’t expecting that I’ll win. I was expecting otherwise, `cause of the fact that I have nothing but him to fight for. What was 3 months compare to an almost one year of being together? They’ve been through a lot of happy memories. His family knew her and like her… Me? They know nothing about me and I don’t think they’d be interested to know me when they found out that I’ve been the reason why they separate ways.

It’s all I ever wanted. To own the only person who made me happy as ever. He chose me over her because he loves me. That’s a fact. But why am I not so sure about this game anymore? Am I being too afraid to find out that he’s right when he said, “I don’t know if you can make me as happy as she made me or if you can make me happier than that”? Those words stroked right through my heart. He then said, “Hopefully, it’s worth my sacrifice of letting go of her for you… all I know is that I love you that’s why I chose you”.

I can still sense the pain of him leaving that girl behind. I can still feel the love he has for her. I can still see right through his eyes the pain of not having her around. He got used to be with her for almost a year and I just took him away from her. It’s his choice, I know, but he made that decision because he needed to even if he didn’t want to.

It hurts knowing he can’t move on yet. He cut the connections between them, no more communications. But I feel I making him remember her sometimes, in a way I didn’t intend to.

It is really too selfish to ask him to try to forget all about her. All I want to ask is that, may he let me prove to him how much I want to be part of his life. After all, if he thinks I could never give him the happiness he wanted, why on earth did I hold on for so long? I should’ve just given up and let her win. I can also make him happy in my own way, and not according to the shadows of his past.

I still feel insecure, scared that he might realize that he made a mistake by choosing me. I am the winner but still, in terms of all the things they’ve shared together, I feel defeated. I feel weak every time we talk about her, afraid that he might tell me that I’m nothing compare to her. Or am I just so stupid to think about it. Or maybe, I am really just the insecure one!

Now, all I can say is that, I am not giving up. Not now… never. He can give me up and that’s the time I will then. But as long as we’re together, I’ll still be fighting. A new battle has started and it is between us and our fate.

- jamittle -

030310

my new present found along the less traveled path

2011-05-03T06:28:00.000-07:00

posted: 121509

From my previous entry, in order to change my future, I decided to take a different path, the road less traveled. However, during that time, my heart is still stronger than my will… that I can’t even let go of my present, until I found a reason to move on to another path.

I can hardly explain this sudden change of heart. All I can say is I met someone who caused me to finally learn to let go of the present and face the unknown future. And this was totally unexpected. He is the person who changed my life.

In him, I found someone who can get me out of where my heart was stuck. He has the potential to steal me from my miserable present. I didn’t have the plans of stealing him from his girl, nor try destroying their relationship. It’s just that, we’re close and I was afraid, either or both of us will fall… and we both did.

I didn’t mean to wreck someone else’s relationship. I am a just and fair person; I don’t want others to suffer due to my childish acts. For a moment, I am rationally arguing with myself, saying, “Girl, you are on the wrong track! Better turn right!” But a feeling of happiness invaded my rationality and without thinking twice, I took the plunge.

Forgive me as I tell this story. I knew all along, I am being devilish, who wants to share for someone’s piece of sweet cake. But when love strikes the heart, there’s nothing you can do but to give in. That’s what I did. Though I knew that I can never be the only one in his life, I took the risk and I took a chance. I can never call myself his girl `cause from what people knew, he has a girlfriend. Instead, he called me his “wife”. how flattering it is to be called wife when in fact in fact, I’m the mistress!

I knew I can cope up with this complicated set up. This decision I’ve made, I have no regrets. I love him enough. Enough, that it caused me to enter in this kind of situation. I ain’t had no one who made me feel loved the way he did. I can feel that he’s true in every word he said, in every move he made, and in every effort he exerted.

So what is our set up? I am his wife, she is his girl. I am the secret one, she is the legal one. I am the one he loves, but not the one he’s officially committed to and she is otherwise. She got to spend the weekdays with him, without her knowing that for the rest of the week, he’s mine. I knew about her, she didn’t have even the slightest idea about me.

He can’t give up any of us. He’s afraid that when his girl discovered the truth and leave him, I will leave him, too. And it is too much to bear for him. I told him, I’ll put myself where I am expected to be. I won’t even try to destroy their relationship. We’ll just enjoy each others company. And when the time comes for him to decide who to choose, I told him there’s no pressure. He can give me up and I will let him go. Besides, I don’t have the right to fight against the legal one. I will just lose the battle.

Who am I to fight against the girl his entire family knew? I will just be the “villain” and I don’t want to be called such.

Where would this love affair lead us? That, I don’t know. He told me, he’s more afraid to lose me than to lose her. But I knew deep inside, he’s more afraid to lose both of us and be left with no one.

Still, I am hoping he’ll choose me over her, which I doubt will happen.

Is this the future I wanted? Is this the price I pay for not sticking to my miserable present and finding my new future?

Well, I am always on the side of no regrets. Whatever happens, this is my decision which I am responsible to withstand the consequences.

09Nov`09

- jamittle -

* sorry for the late posting. I am not proud of stealing somebody’s possession and I am not proud of telling the world how BITCH I am. Thanks for those who can understand and sorry for those who condemn.

the story on bouquet of flowers

2011-05-03T06:27:00.000-07:00

posted: 093009

I was caught staring at my past, present and future all at once. The dare is for them to grab a hold of me. What’s sad is that they’ve chosen to hold something else instead of me. So what’s the point of me, choosing between them as well?

How can I entrust my heart to anyone of them, when I already know that they’ll only let it go? How can I be cared for when all I can see are those hands trying to grab nameless flowers?

From the very start, I didn’t expect my past to run forward and catch up. My past has passed. He’s now living as another’s present.

The only one I expected to grab the moment is my present. But like my past, I’ve never seen any intentions of saving me from the fall. After all the words he has spoken, it all flashed right through my mind. I thought there’ll be reciprocal actions. I was then, wrong! That very moment, I was looking beyond what I’ve seen and concluded that actions are way louder than those sweet spoken words.

How about my future? He represents the things I would actually expect in life. But then, he’s given me the idea that my future would never be different at all. And that, it’s just the same path I’m taking.

My past, my present and my future… They don’t differ!

Realizations came after that very incident. I found myself at the crossroads. I began to think if I should continue living with the present or let it be another past?

Here, in this crossroads, I will decide whether to take the same path where I can only guess that all that happened repeats itself. Or I will take a road less travelled? The road in which I don’t exactly know what is at stake. If I take a new path, I would never know if it will lead me again to the future I’m pertaining to. Otherwise, there’ll be someone new.

Just the way the author – Robert Frost took a less travelled road and that has made all the difference. I’ll take the risk of walking through a new path. This journey will surprise me of the things not long known to me but somehow, I can say, would bring a difference in my life.

I’ll expect nothing but to meet a new future. A future not planned but is destined for me. It is my fate that will bring me to someone real and right.

But when can I have the strength to let go of my present and find my new future? `Cause by now, my heart is still stronger than my will.

-jamittle-

09/30/09

if i were the player

2011-05-03T06:26:00.001-07:00

posted: 081109

i’ve never been an athlete, running in the field.

i’ve never been a volleyball player, jumping to block the ball.

i’ve never been a basketball player, shooting for goals.

i’ve always been a cheer leader, using my voice to encourage the player.

But then..

I DREAMED TO BE THE PLAYER.

I want to run fast and be first on the finish line… champion in your heart.

I want to jump high and block the spikes of pain and heartaches.

i want to grab and steal your heart from my rivals.

i just don’t want to be the one you’ll hear shouting your name, but you won’t even notice as there as so many of us cheering our hearts out.

i’m always hoping you’ll glance by my way after your 3-point shot.

I WANT TO BE THE PLAYER.

i want to feel important when the crowd is cheering.

i want to experience being fouled onto, so i can have the ball and have a chance to take a shot…

a chance to shoot for my goal — your heart!

UNFORTUNATELY,

i’m not a fast runner, i can’t run and chase after you.

i don’t have the strength to spike and deliver an ace service.

i have no guts to rebound you from a failed attempt of my opponent.

I WON’T BE ABLE TO WIN THE GAME.

So i guess, i will forever be BEHIND YOUR CROWD.

i’ll just be watching on the bleachers.

i will SHOUT for your name NO MORE.

i will no longer be wishing you’d take a look at me during time-outs.

when your game ends, so is my role being your cheerer.

this i tell you now..

QUIT PLAYING GAMES WITH MY HEART!

- jamittle -

081109

my heart's METAPHORS

2011-05-03T06:24:00.002-07:00

posted: 080709

just don’t wait `til the water runs dry.

or when i’m already frozen.

you may not even know how cold those days were.

and I HATE THOSE COLD STORMY NIGHTS!

it must have been what I had HOPE months ago, but THIS TIME.. i suddenly think, it might be over.

it must have been good, but somehow, we might lose it.

and i might give up.

- jamittle -

080709

*METHAPHOR: A figure of speech “in which one thing, idea, or action is referred to by a word or expression normally denoting another thing, idea, or action, so as to suggest some common quality shared by the two. (google)

great PRETENDER

2011-05-03T06:24:00.001-07:00

posted: 080509

I’ve been trying to ignore the coldness this past few days,

but there’s much so I feel my heart is frozen deep within.

I’ve been trying to think there’ll be sunshine in the next few days,

but still it’s raining hard.

I’ve been trying to smile to mask the pain,

but all I do is frown deep inside.

I’ve been trying to face every morning in an optimistic view,

but the day just seem to end in a negative way.

I’ve been trying to shout for joy,

but my heart is screaming from pain.

I’ve been trying to assure myself there’s nothing wrong,

but then realizing that something isn’t right.

I’ve been trying to play happy songs,

but ended up listening to sentimental ones.

I’ve been trying to watch comedy shows for a laugh trip,

but still changes the channel to a drama for a weep.

What I’ve been trying to do always ends up otherwise.

Now, I know…

Pretentions will still lead me to my real feelings.

I won’t be able to hide what I feel inside.

I won’t be able to tell the world how fine I am,

when it is in fact otherwise.

I just have to be REAL.

It is soooo cold.

My heart is suffering from a storm, I want sunshine.

I want to frown, instead of smiling.

I’m having bad days, I want it to be through.

I want to shout out loud instead of laughing out loud.

Something isn’t right, so what’s wrong?

I’m sad, I’m not loving this mood.

I just want a way to cry and then get over it.

The hardest thing to do is to admit that somehow,

I was suffering from defeat.

I lost the fight against pretentions.

I can no longer hide myself.

I now have the strength to tell you how I am.

Just don’t ask me questions.

I won’t be able to respond.

`cause until now,

I DON’T KNOW WHY.

- jamittle -

08/05/09

the RAIN.

2011-05-03T06:22:00.001-07:00

posted: 080109

i have bipolar feelings when it rains..

two contradictive feelings of being blue and glee.

as the rain once brought my life a heartfelt bliss,

it somehow gives me a sense of longing for that to happen again.

I’m loving the rain, yet i hate storms.

there’s storm between us now..

I wonder when this would end.

- jamittle -

08/01/09

sleepless night

2011-05-03T06:21:00.000-07:00

posted: 092609

it’s nearly dawn and i’m still awake.

i can’t even sleep or i just don’t want to try.
my head is spinning, but my brain is blurred.
my eyes are tired but don’t want to rest.
my body is aching from an unergonomic position.
my fingers are fast typing, but can’t seem to complete a sentence -every now and then, i have to use ‘backspace’.

half of the world is asleep, half is wide awake.
I belong to the latter.

i’m in an unlit room, with my sister and niece -sleeping.

i went online 4 hours ago and had someone to talk to.
even to the least expected person (Alen), i opened up myself.. just to burst out what’s inside of me.
i don’t care now what she’ll think.
at least, i made my burden lighter than heavy.

i can now hear the nearby roosters greeting the world, and i would want to envy them for greeting every new mornings with the only language (sound) they can.

what the hell am i writing?
does it make sense?
well, i don’t think so..

this day, or should i say yesterday,
wasn’t a GREAT day.
good as I can describe it though.
the hell with yesterday, it has passed.
no more repeat.

somehow, i felt happiness though.
i met this bunch of freshmen students, and they made me miss my college friends.
how they cared for my cousin, Marga, is totally brotherly.

i talked to God, for i’ve attended the mass at De La Salle instead of wasting my time inside the Centrum, watching amateur performances of JPIAns (Junior Philippine Institute of Accountants- which Marga is a part of) of La Salle, It was kinda boring but don’t get me wrong, i indeed enjoyed some parts of the program.

I spent the last stretch of the night with my friends, She’e, Kim and Jericka at the nearby parlor (Hair Blossoms). and ooooppppsss, a stroll with Paul along Makalintal Avenue.

However, I thought my day would be just fine.
oh no..
i got pissed off.
i’ve been treated invisible!
i don’t deserve that treatment and neither my friends.
i kept calm and composed.
i didn’t even try to act different.

am i unnoticed?
i guess NOT!
i believe you noticed me, you just simply IGNORED me.

i’m pissed off, really.
i can’t seem to hate that person.
although probably he deserved to be.

twelve midnight.
we called it a night, and we’re gone on our separate ways.
thanks to Paul for bringing me home.

i saw the laptop.
opened it.
and until now, i’m using it.
time check - 4:40am.

facebook.
friendster.
yahoo messenger.
multiply.
tumblr.
blogger.

i received a few-minute-call from that snob.

i spent hours and hours surfing the net.
and a chat with Ando.
Ando understands me.
He’s always been there, having time to listen to things that bothers me.
and i did tell him how my day was.

However, he gave me disappointment this time.
He confessed about a certain event in his life, which i do not know until a while ago.
hmmmmm.
the truth set him free.
he never lied to me, he just didn’t tell me sooner than it should be.
for the benefit of the doubt, i forgive you.
i’ve told you all the things i want to say.
all those hurtful words, but it was nothing compared to the feeling of beingbetrayed.
and i know, you understand.
that betrayal is through.
our friendship stays strong.

does this entry makes sense now?

aryt. lemme finish this.
as I’ve said, my brain is blurred and I can’t think clear.
maybe due to the things that happened or due to hang over.
eitherway, i’m having a writer’s block!
(kaya magulo ang entry na ‘to!)

oh well,
’til i post another again.

“good morning Philippines!”

time check again -5:12AM

i’ll be turning the laptop off before it gets too hot.
and after i published this.

so long..

-jamittle-

072609

nightmares of my heart

2011-05-03T06:20:00.000-07:00

posted: 072109 at http://jahmehh-11.blog.friendster.com

That person who was once part of my everyday has just swiftly turned into someone who only says “hi!” or gives me a smile..

but what’s confusing is that.. he still invades my dreams..

Just last night, I dreamed of him.. same with those last few nights.

WHY THE HELL?

WHY NOW?

I’ve crossed that bridge, I’m over it.
I dunno why you’re there in my dreams!
The heck, I don’t care!

It has been YEARS.

I just hope after this,
I’ll be sleeping soundly at night without even seeing your face invading my every dream.

Past.. Let me dream without YOU in it.

This would be the CLOSURE!

Let me live my life now.
`cause as you can see.. I’M NOW HAPPY.

your spot in my heart has been REPLACED.

I hope this time it's LOVE

2011-05-03T06:16:00.000-07:00

posted: 060809 at http://jahmehh-11.blog.friendster.com

I am totally hooked with Tamia’s song entitled, “This Time It’s Love”. Check it out!

Funny, I’ve always been inlove with the idea of being inlove with someone, but I’ve never been into a serious relationship. Of course, I’ve always been sooo serious when it comes to loving someone, unfortunately, those people I loved never seem to care about my feelings and just left me hanging! Thank you people! That’s sooo nice of you!

Enough of those sarcastic comments, I am writing this entry to tell the world how confused I am right now!

Confused, because I feel like caring for this certain person, who I intend to ignore for the longest time.. He’s totally not my type of guy. I swear! But, there’s this thought that made me change the way I treat him.

WTH! I told myself before, I’ll never be with him! I only see his bad image, he being the bully guy back when we were just kids.

But… I don’t dislike him either. We’re friends though. We’ve been on same drinking sessions and even same peer group. But the least I can offer him is a friendship, no more.. no less.

But that was before. I just realized that..

Regardless of what he is, nothing changed that much except now he’s a hardcore basketball player (making the girls shout for him.. GO!), yet he stayed nice to me after being the snob type of girl to him.
Despite my not-so-good treatment and the not-so-much (but many) turned downs I gave him, he’s still there.
Although, he’s not so consistent as there are months of dormancy, he still find his way to show me how much he cares for me.
After having a “commitment” with others, he still like to be one of them.

I actually took him for granted! My bad! I know.. I am sooo mean to him. I kept looking for others to give my ♥ , while he’s just there looking over me.

He’s always been there, just waiting.. and waiting for the time I’ll notice him.

That time has come.. I didn’t expect this to happen, and I never wanted this to happen either! Oh what can I do?! I’ve been hooked!

Now, I am confused. Am I doing the right thing? What if I just end up hurting him again? I can’t afford to cause him much pain than what I did before. I would never want to waste our friendship.

Gawd! I know he’s a good man. I know he can be what I expect him to be, but still there are doubts running through my mind. So many “what-ifs”!

My decision? I’ll be taking chances. I’ll be risking our friendship. I just hope.. this time, he’ll be deserving.. I hope, it’s worth his waiting..

I hope.. this time it’s love.

-jamittle-

060809

i want to find someone..

2011-05-03T06:14:00.000-07:00

posted: 060107 at http://jahmehh-11.blog.friendster.com

who…

wants to kiss my lips everyday..
lift and hug me when i’m jealous..
patiently keep silent when i’m mad..
fix my hair just to see my face..
wants to have lunch with me and my family..
share his drinks with me..
squeeze my hand together when i squeezed his..
cuts classes just to date me..

and the one who..
plans to have future with me..

and when i found him..
i’ll never gonna let go..

do i have to trade in all my cards?

2011-05-03T06:13:00.000-07:00

posted: 052207 at http://jahmehh-11.blog.friendster.com

there are things in the world that can never be ours.. just because of some simple truths…

1. they are bad for us..

2. they already belong to someone else..

3. we already lost the opportunity to claim them as our own..

and..

4. they are not just meant to be ours..

Question: .. what if i’m caught up with wanting something i clearly can’t have?

You may trade in all your cards for want you want..

NOTE: But in the end.. maybe you’ll find out that it’s not something that you really need..

i'm still on the side on "No Regrets"

2011-05-03T06:07:00.000-07:00

posted: 052207 at http://jahmehh-11.blog.friendster.com

there are things we regret… words we wish had gone unsaid, starts that have bitter endings, chances we threw away, roads we should have never taken, signs we didn’t see, hearts we hurt needlessly and wounds we wish we could mend…

but life gets that much harder, the past cannot be rewritten but it can make us stronger.

..for every change life has thrown me..

..for every break in my heart..

..for every scar..

..some pages were turned..

..some bridges were burned..

..I HAVE LESSONS LEARNED.. =)

Damn, Im an EX.

2011-05-03T06:03:00.000-07:00

An internet article I reposted last 100606 at http://jahmehh-11.blog.friendster.com

Im An Ex…

I know that it’s stupid — and silly — to sound as if my whole life revolved around being somebody’s ex-girlfriend. But I can’t help it…that title packs a pretty strong punch. I am now an official member of the "loved-and-lost" club. And while it’s a title I don’t exactly want, I have to admit that it does say some things about me.

I am an ex.

I once loved someone who loved me back. But he didn’t want to stay… So I had to let him go. I cried. A lot. I spent countless nights wondering what went wrong, muffling my sobs with my pillows so my parents wouldn’t suspect that something was amiss. I’d reminisce about our happy times, then break down when I’d realize that he was no longer mine.

I analyzed every single detail of our breakup. I wrote long e-mails to my closest friends. I talked endlessly about my situation. I spent my nights in tearful telephone conversations and my days in daydreams where we’d end up in each other’s arms again. Sometimes he was still my angel, still my knight in shining armor who I’d do anything for just to have back. But sometimes, I saw him as the devil incarnate who broke my heart in the worst possible way, and who deserved to be horsewhipped at the very least.

I tried to show the world that I was OK. That I was over him. That it was fine just being friends. I didn’t go around with a big "X" on my forehead, nor did I go around with puffy eyes and a tissue box. I tried to live my life as I knew it before I met him. People thought that I was doing great. They heard me laugh and they saw me smile; I seemed happy, they said; and I told myself that I was. But in the solace of my room, where I tried to organize my thoughts and sort out my feelings, I had to admit to myself that I wasn’t truly happy. Because I was still yearning for someone, and my heart still ached for something that could not be.

Surprisingly, things have gotten better. I’ve changed. Somewhere along the way, I realized that he wasn’t the only one out there for me. I also realized that there were valid, powerful reasons why we split up. And I’ve become stronger,older, wiser. He’s changed as well — when I look at him, sometimes I still see the boy I fell in love with. Sometimes I think that he’s the same person… he still has the same goofy smile and mischievous charm that I fell for, and I like to believe that the rest of him is unchanged as well. But then I take a closer look and I realize that he HAS changed… that I don’t know him anymore, not really… not enough to love and care for him as I once did.

I am an ex.

I’ve loved and lost. I’ve cried tears for the things that were and that could have been. I’ve wrestled with intense feelings of love and hate, of jealousy, of frustration. I’ve simultaneously taken down and brought up my pride. I’ve tried to rebuild my world without the person whom it used to revolve around. I’ve tried to save myself from the depths of depression and self-pity, and when I couldn’t do that, I turned to God for help. I don’t know exactly what I gained, or how much I lost. Maybe someday it will be all clear to me… then again, maybe not.

Pseudoness

2011-05-03T05:57:00.000-07:00

Posted: 080605 at http://jahmehh-11.blog.friendster.com

Pseudo-boyfriends.

Pseudo-girlfriends.

Flings.

Almost like a relationship, but not quite.

It is a phase where the persons involved
are more than friends, but not quite lovers.

Puwedeng may verbal agreement,
puwedeng wala.

One or both of you may have admitted your
feelings,possible ding hindi.

You just let your gestures do the talking for
you.

Walang pormal na ligawan na nangyari.

Hindi kayo mag-dyowa.

Pero sa kilos niyo,
sa mga sinasabi niyo,
parang kayo,pero hindi.

This kind of "relationship"
can happen at different stages
for different reasons.

It can happen after a break-up.

You still love each other,
and you want to be with each other
but you broke up for a reason.

And for reasons that you alone know,
ayaw niyo na muna magkabalikan.

It can also happen before a relationship,
iyong pareho kayong nakikiramdam.

Possible din na ayaw niyo munang mag-
seryoso kaya kunwa-kunwarian lang muna.

Testing lang. (tama ba un?!)

Puwede ring hindi puwedeng maging kayo
kasi isa sa inyo may ka-relasyon na.

Kaya habang hindi pa siya
nakikipag-break doon sa boy/girl
(sabi niya makikipag-break siya soon
pero di naman niya ginagawa),
wala muna kayong relasyon
para nga naman hindi siya nangangaliwa
kasi "hindi naman kayo."

This pseudo-relationship stage,
for a time, can be fun.

Lalo na kung naghahanap
ka lang naman ng "KALARO."

Pero huwag ka lang mag-e-expect
na may patutunguhan kayo kze
wala talagang kasiguraduhan.

So bakit ang daming nagse-settle
sa ganitong set up ganoong
hindi naman sigurado
kung may patutunguhan?

Iba’t ibang dahilan.

Puwedeng for fun lang.

Puwedeng "buti na iyan kesa wala" or
puwede na iyang "pantawid-gutom."

Meaning, habang wala pa iyong the real thing,
doon muna sa kunwa-kunwarian.

For those who are not in a serious
relationship,
they would think that pseudo-relationship
is better than no relationship at all.

It would be fun, if all you’re after
is that "kilig" feeling.

But then I learned that although it was
only a pseudo-relationship,
the emotions were real.

And usually, in this kind of set up,
merong malulugi..

"ung nainlove sa taong taken na.."

Una, you can’t ask him/her to commit.

Since it’s not really a relationship,
you can’t demand commitment from your
partner.

Ano ba kayo?

You will always be uncertain
about your role in his/her life.

You can’t expect him/her
to be always there with you.

And if you feel jealous of the other boys/girls,
you just have to keep it to yourself.

Ano ka ba niya para magselos?

Pangalawa, what if
you fall deeply in love with him/her?

You can’t be sure if he/she feels the same
way.

Baka nag-a-assume ka lang
na mahal ka rin niya.

Even if you are dying
to tell him/her you love him/her,
you can’t.

Because you’re not sure
if he/she will like it.

Baka mapahiya ka lang.

This stage will always make you wonder
where you are in the relationship.

Or if there is a relationship at all.

Pangatlo, what if you become attached too
much?

What if you have invested
all your emotions and this man/woman
hasn’t?

What if you remain faithful to him/her,
not entertaining other guys/gals,
only to find out that he/she is seeing
other girls/boys?

Isa pang downside ng pseudo-relationships,
it is fleeting.

When a disagreement sets in,
or when one of you gets cold,
then that would be the end of it.

Unlike in a serious relationship,
hindi mo alam kung saan ka lulugar
sa isang pseudo-relationship.

Wala kang pinanghahawakan.

Kasi sa pseudo- relationship,

there is no "us."

spontaneous decisions lead us to the City of Pines

2011-02-16T02:33:00.000-08:00

Two weeks after my batch mates’ trip to Baguio, we had our family trip to Pampanga. It was never planned. It just happened that my Tita Lily (mom’s sister) purchased a house-and-lot and they want to see it and visit my Tito Pabling as well. My mom and my cousins asked me to join them and I did. Oh, thank God I did! :D I almost back-out due to conflict of schedule, it was supposed to be Saturday-to-Sunday but was moved to Friday night-to-Saturday. I told my mom that I won’t be able to join them. They’d leave at 6pm while I’d arrive at 8pm. To be able to join them, I took a Friday leave.

Friday came and we left. We arrived at Angeles City at past 10:00 spent the entire night chatting then woke up early to catch up Hot Air Balloon Festival at Clark before going to Mabalacat.

(from left) DJ, Te Gigi, Me, Erica & Mama

Unfortunately, we weren’t able to watch Hot Air balloons, so we went off to SM Clark then went to visit our Tito Abling's family in Mabalacat.

look at my Lola (a.k.a Blue Riding Hood) eating ice cream at SM Clark. It's her favorite.

After eating our late lunch, again, we went to Clark to catch up the afternoon event at the festival. We were able to watch Cessna plane exhibition, RP/Malaysian/UK paragliding exhibition and of course, the Hot Air Balloon Night Glow.

Hot Air Balloon Night Glow

We had our dinner at Tito Abling’s. Tita Fel (his wife) made us a sumptuous dinner. By the way, she celebrated her birthday last Valentine's day. Happy Birthday Tita Fel!

Yummy dinner! Oh and FYI, the lunch served was knocked out! :D

It wasn’t planned though; we’re supposed to leave Saturday and go back to Batangas but we ended up attending the Sunday mass at Our Lady of Manaoag Church in Pangasinan.

(from left) Erica, Te Gigi, Mama, Me, Te Amy & DJ - posing in front of Our Lady of Manaoag

Nitro Family - Te Amy, DJ, Kuya Tutoy & Jom

And… (drum roll) the most spontaneous trip, BAGUIO! After visiting Our Lady of Manaoag, Tito Henry (Tita Lily’s husband) offered to tour us to the City of Pines.

DJ, Te Gigi, Me & Erica

The only photo of Tito Abeth (middle) during the entire trip. Laging absent sa pikturan e.

Kudos to Tito Henry! He even treated us to a late lunch at Rose Bowl near Burnham Park.

(from left) Tita Doring, Tita Lily, Tito Henry, Mama, Erica

The trip to Pampanga brought us to Pangasinan and Baguio. This escapade was our HAPPIEST FAMILY TRIP ever! :)

Next trip to Pampanga, come April! This time, my cousins who weren’t able to join (because of their children’s school activities) will join us. Ang sarap nga pala mang-inggit sa mga hindi nakasama, now I know the feeling! :)

We arrived in Batangas at almost 2:00AM, and I left for Manila at 5:00AM to go to work. How's that? Walang sawa sa byahe! We're all tired and sleepy but nevertheless, we had so much fun! Hope it won't be the last. :)

P.S. Pictures were posted at these links: Pampanga Trip, Our Lady of Manaog, City of Pines.

never been to the city of Pines.

2011-01-27T04:56:00.000-08:00

Good friends miss each other and what they only want is to spend some time together and bring back the old times, catch up and laugh as if it's just yesterday that they've been away. And that's what my high school classmates, IV-Aries`04, planned. They'll be getting together for the week-ends. Their destination would be Baguio City. Sadly, I couldn't be with them as much as I wanted to. Oh LOSER!!! How's that? We're having our corporate planning tomorrow, which is also the day when they'll be leaving for Baguio. Yeah, I won't be able to join them. :( Just this moment, Xandra asked me if I don't have plans of joining them. Naiinggit na ako hindi pa man sila umaalis!!! Hahaha. Oh well.. you guys take care and have fun. Maybe next time, I'll be with you.

i fell in love with books, but i was brokenhearted over and over again.

2011-01-25T04:31:00.000-08:00

I couldn't say that I am a book worm myself, cause that would be overrated. A "novel lover" may not be bad if I may say so. I've been reading a bunch from way back when. Though my interests are limited to fictions (which include psychological thrillers, detective/mystery novels and light love stories) and a little of non-fictions, still there's a room to explore other topics. Been reading books by books and authors by authors. How on earth did these authors' imagination lead to their stories is one thing I've always thought after finishing one. Sometimes, I even wonder if I could be like them - writers in their own genres. Uhm.. it left me with nothing to say but "uhhh well, I didn't even try writing a short one. So probably, it's better if I just continue what I am comfortable of... and that's reading!" Yeah I know, I am not that only person who admires Nicholas Sparks. There are millions of my kind all over the planet. Many of you knew him well more than I do. Why`d I picked him as my favorite among the so-many authors I liked? (Not to mention my love for J.K. Rowling, cause it's another story) Cause he's the one who made me moved! I've read a number of his books already and have picked my most favorite among them which is "The Wedding". Sparks' writings were all over the movies but I honestly just watched two, I guess. I recommend that you read first the book before going through its movie because it's way better than silver screen. Almost all of his books I've read made my eyes red and misty. Every book he has written is a masterpiece in it's own way. His books moved me, made me cry buckets, made me smile and made me realize some things through his words.

Just yesterday, I finished his non-fiction-kind-of-autobiography book, "Three Weeks with my Brother". I swear that I am still in awe right at this moment. This book filled my eyes with tears chapter by chapter. I learned about his childhood and how he became a millionaire unexpectedly because of writing. He had a LOT in his life, a series of ups and downs. Now, I know where his books came from. I really can't explain how I felt for him while reading the book. You should find out yourself. :)

Oh, I still have five Sparks' to read. Might as well continue my reading.

-jamittle-
01252011

if I've been bad or good.

2010-12-09T04:24:00.000-08:00

I can hardly think of how to start this entry so here I am struggling to find the words to justify this maybe-last-entry for the year 2010. Been having thoughts about a lot of things but I don’t think I have the guts to write them.

Since it’s nearly Christmas and New Year, I might just count my blessings this year. ;) `Cause 2010 has been a friend to me the whole year.

* I started my year with my family, closed friends, and my new-found love. My new year was filled with so much love from them.
* Mt. Pinatubo Trekking FTW! I conquered Mt. Pinatubo with my GoodThinking family. :D
* Been regularized at work by the start of the year and by mid-year, I celebrated my 1st anniversary. Hooray to flexi-time and added benefits! Woot!
* I can count (with my right hand only) the times I watched movies in a year, but now, we’ve been going regularly to a movie house. How’s that? Hahaha.
* And oh, last Valentine’s day, I didn’t have to wear a black shirt. Hahahahahaha! Seriously, during Valentine’s day I was accustomed to wearing black, except this year and hopefully next year… and the next years to come.
* Though I never had the chance to go to the beach last summer, I had a great time with my co-workers during our Corporate Team building. :) I just missed throwing water bombs because I was the main target, and my team mates were to protect me from the opponents. Nevertheless, I enjoyed it! Bigtime!
* Bought a new cellphone.
* A baby boy came to our family. My nephew, Gabriel Joseph!
* Been introduced to my boyfriend’s family and been welcomed with open arms. :)
* First time to watch a live circuit race.
* Been reunited with my college friends during Rudy’s birthday bash. :D
* Had two birthday celebrations, one with my close friends and one with my family. Got lots of love from them all.
* Birthday celebrations of my friends - with drinking sessions, I can never forget!
* Hotdog and marshmallow parties FTW! :D
* First year anniversary with my love, Marcon.
* New found friends and acquaintances.
* Got my personal credit card.
* Lost and gained weight! Hahahaha.
* Goodbye denture, hello jacket & retainer! Then, orthodontic braces next year! :D
* …and many more! :)

Those are just among the so-many things that happened to me this year. I’ve been through tears and pains too, but it was more of a happier year than the previous ones, so I chose not to dwell on that. How time flies, 2010 will soon bid goodbye. I’m looking forward to another year of happiness, another year of fun and excitement. Another year with my loved ones, and another year to make friends.

To those I’ve hurt, I am sincerely sorry. Hoping next year, we’ll somehow be friends, or if not… I just want to be cool with you guys.

To those who made me laugh the loudest, I owe you!

I’ll be kissing 2010 goodbye with smile on my face, and so much love in my heart. Hope 2011 will be good to me, as well as to y`all. :)

Cheers for the new year!

the story on bouquet of flowers

2009-09-30T03:49:00.000-07:00

I was caught staring at my past, present and future all at once. The dare is for them to grab a hold of me. What's sad is that they've chosen to hold something else instead of me. So what's the point of me, choosing between them as well?

How can I entrust my heart to anyone of them, when I already know that they’ll only let it go? How can I be cared for when all I can see are those hands trying to grab nameless flowers?

From the very start, I didn’t expect my past to run forward and catch up. My past has passed. He’s now living as another’s present.

My past, my present and my future… They don’t differ!

Realizations came after that very incident. I found myself at the crossroads. I began to think if I should continue living with the present or let it be another past?

I’ll expect nothing but to meet a new future. A future not planned but is destined for me. It is my fate that will bring me to someone real and right.

But when can I have the strength to let go of my present and find my new future? `Cause by now, my heart is still stronger than my will.

-jamittle-

09/30/09

i just hope.. it's real..

2009-06-08T02:34:00.000-07:00

I am totally hooked with Tamia’s song entitled, “This Time It’s Love”. Check it out!

Enough of those sarcastic comments, I am writing this entry to tell the world how confused I am right now!

WTH! I told myself before, I’ll never be with him! I only see his bad image, he being the bully guy back when we were just kids.

But… I don’t dislike him either. We’re friends though. We’ve been on same drinking sessions and even same peer group. But the least I can offer him is a friendship, no more.. no less.

But that was before. I just realized that..

Regardless of what he is, nothing changed that much except now he’s a hardcore basketball player (making the girls shout for him.. GO!), yet he stayed nice to me after being the snob type of girl to him.
Despite my not-so-good treatment and the not-so-much (but many) turned downs I gave him, he’ still there.
Although, he’s not so consistent as there are months of dormancy, he still find his way to show me how much he cares for me.
After having a “commitment” with others, he still like to be one of them.

I actually took him for granted! My bad! I know.. I am sooo mean to him. I kept looking for others to give my ♥ , while he’s just there looking over me.

He’s always been there, just waiting.. and waiting for the time I’ll notice him.

That time has come.. I didn’t expect this to happen, and I never wanted this to happen either! Oh what can I do?! I’ve been hooked!

Now, I am confused. Am I doing the right thing? What if I just end up hurting him again? I can’t afford to cause him much pain than what I did before. I would never want to waste our friendship.

Gawd! I know he’s a good man. I know he can be what I expect him to be, but still there are doubts running through my mind. So many “what-ifs”!

My decision? I’ll be taking chances. I’ll be risking our friendship. I just hope.. this time, he’ll be deserving.. I hope, it’s worth his waiting..

I hope.. this time it’s love.

-jamittle-

060809

Illicit and Complex

2009-03-18T01:28:00.000-07:00

Are you a kept woman? Are you happy being one? Do you exclusively reserve yourself for someone who's not exclusively reserved to you? Are you that emotionally attached that you learn to live the life you have now?

To be biased, I do not dislike women living a life of being a kept woman (see, I actually can't say the common word for it) but, I am not fan of those women either.

I know there are reasons why you girls go for that kind of relationship with a committed man. I, actually, am disgusted with those men! How dare you marry a girl then have an affair with another?

Girls, have you forgotten one of the Decalogue (The Ten Commandments) or should I say two of that? First, you should not commit adultery and second, you should not covet (desire) anything that belongs to your neighbor.

Don't get me wrong, I understand that you feel something special for that someone that you choose to be with him even if he's already committed to someone. Or maybe, some of you just need his money to live. Either way, you're on the wrong track.

Have you considered the feelings of his legitimate woman? Do you actually realized how "world destroying" it is to know that her man was not hers exclusively? And what if they have kids? Have you considered how hurtful it is for their kids to accept that their dad have other woman? You're making their lives as well as yours miserable. Put yourself in his wife's shoes. Try to feel what she'll feel when she finds out that her husband has a mistress. Think this way, you're married with someone and that someone has another.

From the very start, you know it is WRONG to enter that "world" but still, you choose to go inside. This is how it happened...

You meet that j*rk. You got to know him, discovered how sweet he is. (C'mon! that's a man's special power! His charisma!) You actually knew he's married but then you let yourself see him the next time. You went out with him once, then it became a regular date, say, every other night or every night. He told you about his "marital relationship" which is way far from the true story (it's his main strategy!). Then, you extended your sympathy. Days passed by and then, he courted you, told you you're the one who could give back his happiness. He told you he's already "in love" with you (how easy it is to say boys!). You, at first, will say, "It's wrong! You're married". But still, you accepted his proposal because you've been blindly in love, too. (tadddaaa!) Your ordinary world turned out to be an "extraordinary world".

Girls, we're all given the so-called "instinct" to use them whenever we feel certain. First instinct that came to you is when you actually learned that he's married. Next, is when you told him he's doing a wrong decision. But what have you done? You ignored your instinct because you also felt happiness that time. I will tell you this, you'll never be happy for the rest of your affair as long as you know that he's NOT yours! You're a borrower, remember that!

It is all in your hands to leave that affair but you didn't. You held on for what? For the term you call "LOVE"? WTH! Are you too desperate to find a lover? There are many fishes in the sea for heaven's sake! Oh yeah, his wife and you have the same thing in common... "a man who tells you LIES". And by the way, are you sure you're the ONLY "other woman"? You may not know you're three!

Look this way, I am a friend not an enemy. I am just giving you insights about being "the other woman". It's also not a good psychologist do but it is my way of giving you good realizations.

It is hard to let yourself talk to others that you are in a secret situation for the main reason that you are afraid to be embarrassed! I know right, you still want people to think about you as a good saint with no flaws. You fear being called a home-wrecker, but why? You chose to be one! You should be proud! (Sorry, just got carried away..)

Okay, I am there with you, you've been in your situation because it is an "emotional" affair. But with him, is it? Or is it a "sexual" affair and you are just one of his sexual outlet? What if you got pregnant? How will you tell your parents? "I'm pregnant with a married man..." That baby will have a miserable life as well cause being an illegitimate child is the hardest to accept.

You will never be able to be proud of your affair. You'll always be behind those doors while he's out with his family. You'll lose your own family when they found out your illicit affair, even your friends. Your rightful best friend will fire you out of her life, though she doesn't want to, she's hoping you'll end up your "craziness" find your way back to your friendship. What else have you got? No one else but that liar. How can you trust a man who can't even be honest with his own wife? Wake up!

After reading this and you can still tell yourself, "No words can ever make me leave this affair!", then I surrender! I wish you luck! May you have the "happiness" and may you have "peace" in your heart.

To you cheaters out there, your ID is way high over your superego! You only want what's pleasurable that you lost consideration towards others. So where'd you left your ego? By the way, id, ego & superego are psychological terms in case you didn't know (as your brain is dysfunctional).

You, j*rks, should be condemned, not these women. These kept women are just your victims here. You are the criminals! Show yourself and be proud you are one hell of a cheater! How could you soundly sleep at night? Thank God you're not yet paranoid that your wife will cut your throat while your asleep. Oh well, one way or another, you'll have what you deserve. Not now but maybe, tomorrow.

For final words, I want to share this to you. I've read this somewhere.. "Love has its own reason. Destiny has its own way and karma has its own judgment."

***Note:

I wrote this as an outlet on how to tell my friend her mistake being one. Actually, I already told her some of what I wrote in here but unfortunately, my words got thrown to a trash bin. My cellphone load, my time, and efforts just got wasted. Our friendship? Civil as I can call it. I don't text her at all unless she text me. I am still her friend, though. Actually, I miss her. I really do miss her. I miss my friend, she used to be.

The night she told me about this, she said... "I love him, I've fallen. We'll hold on. I'm sorry."

My reaction? Of course, I am surprised! Just weeks ago, she told me there's no way she'll be with this guy. What the hell is she thinking? A guy's effort doesn't matter. It is his way of getting her trust, to capture her vulnerable heart.

I told her, "We promised not to break this friendship down no matter what. I am still holding on that to that promise. But when it comes to that guy, I'm backing off. I hope there would never come a time that you'll choose that guy over me."

She never got my support. I totally dislike that guy. For heaven's sake, he's married and has two kids! I asked if she has strength enough to fight for what she feels. She said, "Not yet but I am SURE about my feelings." (D*mn!) She even told me this.. "_______ is amazing if you get to know him." (I would not want to know him, nor meet him at all). I surrendered talking to her about this cause all she can say is that.. "I don't know what to say. I'm confused. I know you only want what's right." There, my words just got thrown! (In short, she can hear me, but she's not listening).

I know she needs me more this time, a friend to lean on and give her strength. Even if I wanted to, I couldn't even picture the moment I'm gonna tell her, "It's okay, every thing's gonna be alright." Because for the fact, that every thing's not right!

I know, I'm not perfect. I ain't always on the right track. But I know what's legal and moral. She can tell me, "How could you say those words when you yourself has your own flaws?" And I'll tell her, "Cause I am not against any law."

I'm hoping, SOON (as in now), she'll realize she'll have a better life without that guy. She's beautiful and she's lovable. She'll meet someone, not committed, who will give her happiness more than she could get from a liar.

My friend, I love you as always. When you finally leave him, I am just here with arms wide open. I will forget the day you got out of your mind and hugged you as if nothing happened. I hope it is soon. I miss you! Maybe, for as long as you're with him, expect me not to ask you about how your life is. I swear, I would not want to know what's going on with your life with him.

And if you're mad about this entry... I'm sorry! I just don't feel like telling it to you personally. I might do what other things aside from talking to you. I might even slap your face for you to wake up. I'm sorry.. sorry.. sorry..

the other bee..

2009-01-08T20:42:00.000-08:00

This morning, after I've gone through my feeds and emails, I then visited my accounts on Friendster, Multiply and lastly, Facebook. I replied to my recently received comments on Friendster, and then viewed recently posted photos on Multiply. I had 2 invites in my Facebook account, one is to join a certain application and the other one is a friend request. Funny, when I look who's inviting me, it appears that a certain Jamie Bee wants to be my friend. The fact that my name is also Jamie Bee. I then checked the account and leave a wall-to-wall message:

Is Jamie Bee your real name?

I didn't expect this other Jamie Bee will reply soon so I logged out as soon as I've nothing to do there. Then, I opened my messenger application in which all my accounts in Yahoo, Gmail, and Facebook will display who's online (nice application huh?!). I went through my office works again. Hours later, I checked my messenger. I saw that the other Jamie Bee is online/idle. I am the first to give a PM. Here's some of our conversation:

*Note: some of our conversations we're not posted.

me: hei.

the other: hei.

me: Is Jamie Bee your real name?

the other: yes

me: really? All this years, I thought I am the only one who's got that name.

the other: me, too.

me: Now we're two! :)) Where are you from?

the other: England

me: ah i see. How did you get your name?

the other: my parents gave me. a present :)

me: are you a male or a female?

the other: male

me: i'm a female. how old are you?

the other: 19.

me: i'm older than you, i'm 21. And i bet you're taller than me.

the other: no.

me: yeah.. cause asians are of the average height.

the other: You're an Asian?

me: yea.. and i am just below 5'0".

the other: no. no. yes i am taller.

me: not proud of my height though I accepted it.

I'm from the Philippines.

the other: I heard you have nice surf beach there.

me: yeah, we've got lots of them. You should come here.

the other: I will. I will.

me: Where exactly are in England?

the other: South coast, surfing place.

(then he gave me link to see his hometown)

me: nice place.. We are in different sides of the world! :))

...we talked about different things (from my degree and his course, our universities, then I introduced him to Multiply - after I gave him my URL, our countries, 3rd world countries, america, his hobbies, when will he going to the Philippines - which he told me in 3 years or less), and then I asked..

me: What is your surname?

the other: Bee!!!

me: I see, so I still have the title of having a unique name!

the other: Indeed you are.

me: While your Bee is your surname, my Bee still a part of my first name.

the other: yessss..

...then back to our conversation.

Our conversation lasted almost half an hour. I'm the first to say goodbye cause I've gotta go to a nearby bank. He told me, he had a nice time talking to me (flattered me!).

me: talk to you later :)

the other: soon i hope. :)

There it goes! There are lots of Jamie out there! But still, I've got mine so unique. I am still happy about having a friend Jamie Bee. As what my Facebook shows... "Jamie Bee Rosales is now friends with Jamie Bee".

I planned on putting his photo here... With respect to his right, just search Facebook for you to see. *wink*

update: His real name is Jamie Lyn Bee.. We still have unique names though! :))

What about the BEE?

2009-01-07T19:40:00.000-08:00

Just like others, I am an ordinary person but with extraordinary personality. I grew up playing on the streets, running, got cuts and bruises from playing but had a wonderful childhood memories. I studied in a public elementary school but graduated with flying colors as the class salutatorian. I spent my high school days in a private school which taught me how life can be good and bad at times. I graduated college in a state university, having a Bachelor's Degree in Psychology. My experiences taught me to fight and be strong. My learnings are stored and used. I can be your true friend, not an enemy. I am single, but my heart's taken. I have so much to give, but you shouldn't take advantage. I am not a fan of NBA, and little do i know about foreign actors and actresses nor foreign movies but i do know some. I can spend the entire day at home just reading novels. I always have a child in me. Never mess with me, you'll have what you deserve. I love fooling around but I can always be serious. I love meeting new people and making friends with them. I am possessive with a loved one, and jealous at times. I believe that "Love has its own reason, destiny has its own way, and karma has its own judgement". This is who I am. :)